After reading the rough draft of your analytical report on writing in business, I was very impressed. You have a very well organized paper with amazing content, but there are always areas to improve! The weak spots in your paper that stuck out to me were the layout of information, transitions, and APA format. By revising your paper, it will be more cohesive and understandable to the reader.
The first area of improvement that I found in your analytical report on writing in business is the layout of some of your information. In one area specifically, you gave examples of non-academic writings such as "memos, emails, letters, presentations, articles, and more," in the structure paragraph instead of in the paragraph before which defines non-academic writings. In my opinion, giving examples of non-academic writings would be better to have right after defining the term like you did in your academic writing paragraph. By reading through your paper again and making sure all of the information makes sense in the paragraph it is in, the layout will flow more and make more sense.
Another area of improvement in your paper is your transitions, specifically in between headings. For example, at the end of your language paragraph in the non-academic writing section you should have a transition or closing sentence that summarizes the information you found about the structure and language in non-academic writing in business and then lead into your conclusion. Other than this, I believe your transitions between each paragraph within the same section were really good.
The last area of improvement in your analytical report is the APA format. Under the files tab on ICON there is an APA Guidelines pdf that lists some of the requirements for a paper in APA format. I found that your paper lacked a running head different from the title, did not include the name of your school on the title page, did not have 2 spaces after punctuation, and incorrectly titled the reference page. These are all very simple fixes that will improve the overall quality of your paper.
Overall, I believe the rough draft of your analytical report on writing in business has great potential with it's logical organization and surplus of content. By revising your paper to improve the layout of information, transitions between headings, and APA format, your final draft will definitely be a quality paper! I hope these critiques help with the revision of your analytical report.
I really appreciated the way you formatted your paper! Labeling each topic such as "structure" and "language" made your paper easy to follow. Although your paper is well organized and structured, the information being delivered within the structure could use some improvement.
I feel like the delivered information is not quite hitting the target. The delivery of some of the definitions are vague, so my suggestion would be to provide a clear definition of what you're discussing, provide an example, and explain the significance. Following this format when describing a definition such as academic or non-academic will lead you in the right direction.
Another area that I feel like you could improve in is your frequent use of the same words. I would try to avoid using words like "things" and "it". Sometimes I would get confused to what 'if" was referring to in your paper. Make the subject clear so the audience knows who or what you are referring to. Lastly, I would try to find synonyms for words like "research" and "findings" when describing your process of gathering the information for your paper.
Lastly, give your conclusion a larger meaning. Yes, conclusions are meant to restate what the paper was about,and you did a wonderful job of restating your paper in the conclusion. However, I feel like you could dig deeper and tie the meaning of writing in business to how the lives of people are affected.
Overall, your paper has a strong skeleton. I think that if you apply some of these tips to your writing, you'll have a great paper ahead of you. Keep up the good work!
Madi,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading the rough draft of your analytical report on writing in business, I was very impressed. You have a very well organized paper with amazing content, but there are always areas to improve! The weak spots in your paper that stuck out to me were the layout of information, transitions, and APA format. By revising your paper, it will be more cohesive and understandable to the reader.
The first area of improvement that I found in your analytical report on writing in business is the layout of some of your information. In one area specifically, you gave examples of non-academic writings such as "memos, emails, letters, presentations, articles, and more," in the structure paragraph instead of in the paragraph before which defines non-academic writings. In my opinion, giving examples of non-academic writings would be better to have right after defining the term like you did in your academic writing paragraph. By reading through your paper again and making sure all of the information makes sense in the paragraph it is in, the layout will flow more and make more sense.
Another area of improvement in your paper is your transitions, specifically in between headings. For example, at the end of your language paragraph in the non-academic writing section you should have a transition or closing sentence that summarizes the information you found about the structure and language in non-academic writing in business and then lead into your conclusion. Other than this, I believe your transitions between each paragraph within the same section were really good.
The last area of improvement in your analytical report is the APA format. Under the files tab on ICON there is an APA Guidelines pdf that lists some of the requirements for a paper in APA format. I found that your paper lacked a running head different from the title, did not include the name of your school on the title page, did not have 2 spaces after punctuation, and incorrectly titled the reference page. These are all very simple fixes that will improve the overall quality of your paper.
Overall, I believe the rough draft of your analytical report on writing in business has great potential with it's logical organization and surplus of content. By revising your paper to improve the layout of information, transitions between headings, and APA format, your final draft will definitely be a quality paper! I hope these critiques help with the revision of your analytical report.
Great job,
Hannah Sadler
Also post your phone number here so I can text you pictures of the corrections I wrote on your hard copy!
DeleteMadi,
ReplyDeleteI really appreciated the way you formatted your paper! Labeling each topic such as "structure" and "language" made your paper easy to follow. Although your paper is well organized and structured, the information being delivered within the structure could use some improvement.
I feel like the delivered information is not quite hitting the target. The delivery of some of the definitions are vague, so my suggestion would be to provide a clear definition of what you're discussing, provide an example, and explain the significance. Following this format when describing a definition such as academic or non-academic will lead you in the right direction.
Another area that I feel like you could improve in is your frequent use of the same words. I would try to avoid using words like "things" and "it". Sometimes I would get confused to what 'if" was referring to in your paper. Make the subject clear so the audience knows who or what you are referring to. Lastly, I would try to find synonyms for words like "research" and "findings" when describing your process of gathering the information for your paper.
Lastly, give your conclusion a larger meaning. Yes, conclusions are meant to restate what the paper was about,and you did a wonderful job of restating your paper in the conclusion. However, I feel like you could dig deeper and tie the meaning of writing in business to how the lives of people are affected.
Overall, your paper has a strong skeleton. I think that if you apply some of these tips to your writing, you'll have a great paper ahead of you. Keep up the good work!
Claire Thomsen